Hi, I’m Lauren. The woman behind BKTYM Counseling NJ. A director at a non profit mental health organization. I’m also cat mom of 2 boys, Casa + Migos. Yes, I named them after my favorite tequila lol. Although, I don’t drink much of it anymore at soon to be 34. I’m also a lover of movement. When I’m not being a therapist or creating mental health content on Instagram, you can find me strutting my stuff in heels dance classes, boxing and lifting heavy things in the gym. Oh... I’m also a Cancer! I’m big into zodiac signs and believe there’s a lot of truth to them so mentioning my sign is important. I’m a classic, textbook cancer. I feel my own feelings, plus yours, wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm sensitive, I cry, love hard, value family and always carve out time to hide in my shell and recharge.
I have a really cool, interesting and fulfilling life. I'm so fortunate and find myself saying how lucky I am all the time. I often remind myself that yes I am fortunate but I also created this life. It wasn't always this way for me. In fact, I was quite the wallflower for a very long time. More on that in a second...
Ever since I opened my practice and started promoting the hell out of it on social media, I keep getting asked "Why women and teens?" I chose to focus my practice on this specific population because time and time again, I'm seeing women unhappy and stressed the F out. Unhappy in life, unhappy in their relationship, unhappy that they aren't in one, unhappy with their appearance, not seeing their full potential, not being excited about life, feeling moody, depressed, anxious and accepting less than they deserve. Teen girls are the younger versions of these women. A lot of these issues stem from within us and our self esteem. Self esteem gets shaped in our adolescent years and it's usually at an all time low. I love being able to help build a teenager's self esteem and teach them skills they can carry into womanhood, to get ahead of the game. I love being able to help build a woman's confidence, to help her work through and heal her past trauma, to build and sustain new healthy habits and expectations, to help make her dream life become a reality.
There's a reason why this became my passion. Everything I just described were things I struggled with. Now back to me...
Growing up, I struggled a lot with low self esteem. I never liked how I looked. I was so incredibly shy and even though I had a few friends, I was just really quiet and kept to myself a lot. I was bullied for what felt like forever but I think it was really only 6th and 7th grade. Others had it worse for sure, but I'm not downplaying my experience because it really did impact me badly and it's why my self esteem worsened. That's a whole blog in it's itself that I'll save for another day, but I now know that hurt people, hurt people so all is well.
Moving on... because I had such low a sense of self, I stayed in a relationship that was not good for me for a decade. Maybe even a little longer honestly. This person was not abusive or anything like that. I am not in any way saying he was a bad person because that's not the case, but he was not good for me. I was not treated properly. There were so many red flags and reasons clear as day that this person wasn't a good, stable, healthy partner, but I stayed anyway because I didn't think I'd find better and I didn't think I was worth better. Not only did I stay, I almost got married. Even with knowing all of these things, I wanted to get married. I pushed for it because in my mind that's what people did when they've been together for so long. That's what my friends were doing and I wanted that too. I wanted to fit in. So despite everything, when he asked, I said yes.
Then the wedding planning and all of the things that go along with this phase of life started. The date was set, the venue was booked, my dress was purchased, my DJ and photographer were locked in.
But after a few months, I took my "yes" back and I said no. I called everything off. Thousands of dollars lost. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I still feel badly about it to this day, over 5 years later, but it was the best decision I ever made. Because I made it for ME. And let me tell you, I have done nothing but thrive since.
Have I found my soulmate yet? Nope. Did I get my heart broken after this? Yup, shattered. Into itty bitty microscopic pieces. Took a sickening amount of time to put it back together, but I did it. And then it got broken again. And then put back together. And that's been the cycle for me these last few years. It's super sucky but at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't go through all that stuff. And there's been A LOT of stuff. I'd just be a grown up version of that timid, withdrawn wallflower. I'll share more about my love life in another blog some time because I know people will relate. To be brutally honest, I'd actually need to write a book to cover it all, but I'll start with a blog :)
One last thing I want to mention before I wrap this up. One thing I never stopped doing ever since I turned that corner in my life, was working on ME. On my mind, body and soul. Because of that, I am now stronger, happier and more confident than I've ever been.
Don't ever think you can't start over. That you're too far gone or too far into something to make changes. You can be scared...but do it scared instead of not at all.
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